Apologies are NEEDED!!!
Feb 10, 2020
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaYH_G4IUpM

hey everybody welcome back to my channel
and if you're new welcome to if you
haven't already done so would you ever
so kindly hit the notification bell and
also the subscribe button and that way
you get notified every time when I
upload and also when I go live I just
want to give a little thank you to all
of my subs and my viewers for all of
your guys's support you guys have been
amazing and I haven't said it enough
that I appreciate all of your guys's
thumbs up your guys's support on the
side chats all of your guys's
encouragement your emails all of your
guys's time that you have taken out to
check on me I appreciate it so much
and I honestly feel very very special to
have such special people on my channel I
just want to apologize to everybody
right now for the way that my channel
has been kind of running the last couple
of months I apologize that it has been
kind of a negative channel lately and I
don't know where it went wrong that it
took a left filled but I have been in a
headspace where I feel like I have to
continuously justify myself and to prove
myself that I'm not this person that
people are putting me out to be on other
channels and I need to realize that I
don't need to justify myself to you guys
because you guys as my true subs you
guys understand that you know who I am
and you guys have been here and you've
chosen to be here and you want to be
here I can't control what they're doing
but what I can control is how much I
allow it to affect me and I have
unfortunately let it affect me a little
bit too much lately and that's not okay
and I think it has allowed it to affect
me enough to interfere with my weight
loss
I think that it has even sent me into
going backwards on on something that I
have been battling for a very long time
and yesterday I found myself binging and
I haven't benched in months months I
want to say actually it's been almost
probably a year but I have not been and
yesterday I found myself binging and I
am so mad at myself so mad at myself
that I allowed these situations and
these words that are being said about me
to affect me so much that I allowed a
binge I went to bed so down on myself
and I thank God I had my counseling in a
session today so that helped me to get
better and you know and help me get into
a better mind and you know I was talking
with my counselor today about it and
talking about like the events that have
been going on lately that have probably
contributed to why I benched
yesterday and you know I know that I am
the only one that can control the binge
nobody has the control over that nobody
can make me binge and nobody can not
make me binge I am the only one that can
control that and I take full
accountability for that now
circumstances can cause it but I have
the choice to do it because I have tools
in my tool belt to not do a binge
but yesterday I failed to use my tool
belt and I chose to go ahead and make a
binge instead and that really hurt me
that I fell back into an old habit and
benched
I also last night started getting
blisters in my mouth
and I think that it's because of stress
and it's all around things that I am
allowing to get to me and that's not
okay
I am NOT okay allowing negative things
to come to me that much so you know I am
NOT going to continue to address
negative behavior from people I am NOT
going to address or even answer back to
negative comments I'm done you know I
want my channel to be a positive place a
positive platform when people come I
want them to feel good when they leave I
want them to feel even better I don't
want people to feel like they're coming
in and being beat up and when they leave
they feel worse than they came in
because right now I think that that's
what's happening and that's not okay I
am NOT okay with that so as I do see
negative comments coming through you're
going to start getting blocked because
you know what it's not okay
you know I I don't to me numbers don't
mean anything if you're abusing people
you know yes my channel is growing leaps
and bounds but also it's not fair that
my channel is growing leaps and bounds
and people are being abused verbally by
people that's not okay you know that
live that I did the other day was so
uncalled for I really had a hard time
putting it even back up because of the
comments and people made the people are
making the comment that I took the
comments down you you're right I did
because there were so many vile comments
made on that live I did not want anybody
to reread those comments that is why I
disabled those comments and I will keep
them disabled because there were
comments made in there that just were
not okay that my mods couldn't even keep
up because there was so many comments
flying through that were just straight
nasty and I'm not okay with that
so if you're gonna come to my channel I
hope you have the intentions that you're
coming for support and you're coming to
also you know in
courage one another because we were
always a community of each other you
know we always encouraged each other and
that's what we have always been all of a
sudden I one Rotten Lemon came in and it
has spread without everybody and that's
just not OK
I I'm not giving up on myself with my
health it's not it's not worth it I know
that I need to get my health in check
and that is why even though I had a
binge yesterday I got right back on it
today
and that's that you know I'm not going
to allow myself to fall down on the
right because normally if I had a binge
I would have just said I'll forget it
okay I benched so you know let the whole
thing go out the door
no I benched I I did what I did and
today I woke up and I was like nope
you're gonna get up you're gonna do what
you need to do you're gonna exercise
you're you're not going to sit and do
this to yourself
so I didn't and so you know for me I
have a vision that I have seen above in
front of me and that vision is what I
keep my eyes on that vision is me
standing there thin and healthy and
happy and energetic and being able to
have a fun life with my family I see
myself in such a different world and I
want that and that's what I see in front
of me that's my goal that's what I'm
walking towards and yes I'm gonna have
hiccups along the way I'm gonna have
days where what happened yesterday
happens because I'm dealing with certain
things as well as I'm trying to get to
my goal I'm also battling other things
but I can't let those other things come
in between me and my goal and take me
out like I have allowed it to do every
other time and
is why when I benched a lot yesterday
when I went to bed last night I made a
promise to myself when you get up Amy
tomorrow's a new day you can't stop you
got to keep going and that's exactly
what I did I got up I went to counseling
came home I made my eggs and my toast
I'm drinking my water and I already took
my vitamins and I'm feeling great you
know and I not even been gene and today
is a new day and that's what's gonna be
I have to remind myself every day is a
new day and every day is gonna come with
its own huh own problems and and the
goods oh and it's just how I deal with
them but I just wanted to say thank you
to everybody because you guys have all
been very amazing and another thing too
is if you feel like you want to make a
comment but you're not really wanting to
make a comment on my channel just right
now you could always email me my email
is always in the description below you
could email me and I will get right back
to you as soon as I can get back I I
usually get back within a day or two
usually and I don't mind doing it that
way for right now I'm totally cool with
that
but anyways anything else that is
resulting towards drama channels or
comments being made about me I am NOT
going to address those things anymore I
don't care I really don't care it's not
it has nothing to do with me
those videos you know the thing is is
those videos are being made for the
person that's actually making the video
and when I say that is because people
that make videos about other people is
because unfortunately the person that's
making the video might be feeling pretty
bad about themselves so they have to
drag somebody so they choose a low
person to drag so that they can feel
just a little bit better about
themselves and that's okay
there are people out there that are low
and you know self-esteem and they need
something
to pick them up that's alright they want
to be in the you know the cloud with
everybody else in the circle or whatever
you know go for it but I'm not going to
address it no more I am NOT going to
address people taking my videos and
picking them apart I have nothing to
hide what I have put out I have put out
what maybe I put to sleep I might have
put to sleep on my channel I am NOT
going back and putting any of my channel
to sleep my videos I did say on my life
I was gonna put all my channels to sleep
that had to do with my kids I'm not
going to do it because that was a time
in my my youtube life that I did have
and I don't think that it's really
necessary but I am NOT putting them on
camera now but they you know we're on
camera in the past and you know I
already know people have videos of all
those so why even bother at this point
but I'm not going to be addressing
people that have videos of my of my
video I'm not going to address people
that have videos of my videos and making
commentary on them it really it's not
going to affect me any again like I said
I have nothing to hide I don't need to
justify myself at all
at all I don't need to prove myself my
words are enough just like I said
yesterday my words are enough I say what
I say and that is it you can either
accept it or you don't have to if you
don't that is not my problem that is
your problem my problem is to say what I
say and leave it at that if you don't
accept it sorry but that's as much as I
can do so now we're gonna get back to
normal normal shows now because I'm kind
of getting a little tired of all the
drama no I just want to get back to
normal I want to get back to my channel
the way it was and I'm not going to
address this anymore when it comes to
deleting comments and things I'm not
going to say I am
I'm not going to take comments down I
know I have said in the past that I
wouldn't but I'm not gonna say that I
won't because there has been some
comments I haven't made to some of my
subscribers that I'm not okay with and I
didn't take him down but I was ready to
so there might be a time where I might
so don't be shocked if I do that that's
my right that's my right as being the
one that runs this channel I can do what
I want to do you know I try to give
everybody chances I try to let people do
things and sometimes people abuse that
and if you abuse it then I take that
right away
so anyways all right you guys I'm gonna
close I need to go and get some stuff
done around the house but I hope you
guys are having a wonderful start to
your guyses Monday and I will check into
with you guys again real soon talk to
you later
